Friends, the Lord is doing such a work right now in me! I can't wait to be able to share with you, but I am going to have to save it for another blog (or two) in the near future. In the meantime I wanted to blog about a teaching I was blessed to be able to do this past Tuesday at our monthly women's gathering. I have always loved to just sit and soke from other godly women in my life. I am surrounded by them and their wisdom and encouragement has no doubt challenged and blessed me. So it's always very humbling when asked to be the one who shares. I do love speaking to others what God is doing in my life, sharing personal testimony, and truth from his Holy Word. I desire for him to be glorified and praised through me. I cannot boast in myself nor do i want to! All of my growth, everything I have learned, truths that have changed me were accomplished and brought about through Him.
This month the team of women asked me to share on parenting. More specifically on parenting a strong willed child. Can you guess which one they were referring to?? Yes, my precious Adoniah :) so I just want to give a little condensed recap of the evening for those who could not make it.
When Jared and I were talking what core personality traits we wanted to describe her with (as she has many) these are the ones we nailed down. Addy is off the charts strong willed, and following In a close second is her stubbornness. She is also a natural born leader. This did not come from her mom! It was filtered straight through Jared and woven into her being. She is also very possessive (likes to control and take demand) which is most clearly seen with how she interacts with her younger brother, yet very protective of those she loves. And lastly she has a heart that overflows with compassion. What I mean by this is in times of tragedy, death, or sickness a tenderness and compassion comes out of her that is truly amazing to behold in such a young age. Our prayer for her is that God will save her and redeem and sanctify these traits to be used for his purposes and glory to the ends of the earth!!
I talked about 4 principles that Jared and I have learned through parenting Adoniah and also Micaiah. I gave some stories more in detail that evening of discouraging times in discipline, hurtful words tha cause wounds but unfortunately do not want to share on an open blog. The Lord truly has used our kids to show Jared and I sin in us that we didn't even know we struggled with so much, and that all of our dependence and strength to faithfully raise up his children cannot be done apart from him.
I came up with a short, simple, consice purpose or vision statement in my parenting. I need that in my life to go back to especially in the discouraging and seemingly pointless days. That purpose is... As parents we are to shepherd and guide our children's hearts to the cross. Going about life in the natural grind of the day, taking the simple moments (you won't catch all of them) to draw their thoughts upward towards the beauty of Christ. Let the joy that is in you be on your lips!
The first principle is: Parenting is a sacrificial love, a killing of what our flesh wants to do in the moment, and opens us up to be hurt.
Loving my kids is a love I cannot carry out on my own. It's a love that calls for something bigger than yourself, coming down straight from above.
2 Peter 1:3
"his divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence." I am going to choose to believe that this phrase "granted to us all things that pertain to life" includes motherhood. Meaning in Christ I WILL have everything that I need to do such a great, yet very exhausting task.
And then there is our flesh is waging war with our spirit, and I have to decide each day which one am I going to feed. The one that you feed more is the one that will grow stronger, and will be the one you find yourself operating out of more. Romans 7:18-20
18 For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out.19 For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing.20 Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me.
No parent (in their right mind) wakes up and says alright today I want to be sure to yell at my kids when they don't listen, jerk them around when they are not moving fast enough, and give them as many evil glares as i can, and fit in an opportunity to say something that will really hurt them, then my day will have been complete. Thats just silly! But how many of us have found ourself doing one of these or perhaps all of them in a 24hr time span. That's the old man, the sin that rears its ugly head.
I have to start my day with Jesus! To serve and love my kids best this is what I have to be doing.We need Jesus and his Word, ministering his love to us, to be filling our cup daily. You need this whether your a parent, wife, employee, if you have any contact with the outside world....I want to be pouring on these precious hearts life and not death.
2. You are the sower in your child's life. "and let us not grow weary in doing good for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up" Galatians 6:9
You are planting things now in their lives that we want to mold into their being and see grow and be used to the glory of God. Moms sow what it is important and eternal.
One seed Jared and I knew we wanted to plant in our kids was "family worship" we are both very passionate about this and want to instill in our kids that this is a special time for our family to come together and Jared lead us in the word, prayer, and song as a family. I shared more in detail with the women how rough this was for us with Addy in the beginning. Sometimes so discouraging that there were nights we just stopped in the middle because we were weary in all the correction and discipline. But with consistency even in the weariness we held on to what we believed in. And now I promise you this child ADORES family worship. She gets on to mom and dad when we want to skip out. Lol! And it sets an awesome example for Micaiah now who looks up to everything his sister does.
The second is prayer. This has been a huge outlet for Addy with all the emotions she is faced with. And Jared and I have tried to be very diligent in praying over and for them since they were born. Using things like desiring Gods blessing cards. And then as they get older instilling in them that we can pray anytime/anywhere. When we're sad, hurt, happy, and scared....
And the reward that we have seen in Adoniah is her realizing her dependence and her help comes from a higher place, a more powerful source than herself!!! Which is amazing for her personality which naturally she leans towards "I can do this by mysel, I don't need your help, step back and let me do this on my own."
In a lot of her prayers now you will hear her say things like: God You are so powerful. God you are strong. God you help me.
3. Love is an action not a feeling 2 Timothy 1:9 tells us that God was loving us before the ages began. This was not a love based on feeling because we were enemies, children of wrath, and sinners. But while we were still sinners Christ died for us.
I can love Addy in the most difficult moments because Christ loved me first. I have been given all the riches that are in Christ!
I have learned through Addy that she needs my love, and attention more than ever in her most ugliest moments. And its In these moments where I want to pull away the most and have thoughts like "you don't deserve my love", or "you can work this out on your own" and I will just go back to whatever I'm doing which certainly can't be near as important as what is going on in her heart. She needs mommy to loves based not on her feeling, but a choosing
4. Discipline in love and understanding, firmness, with the purpose of helping them to see their sin, and their need for a Savior.
We believe in discipline. We hold to verses in scripture like: Proverbs 13:24 " whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him." Proverbs 19:18, Proverbs 22:15 " folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him." Proverbs 23:13, Proverbs 29:17 "discipline your son and he will give you rest, he will give delight to your heart." And Hebrews 12:5-11
What Jared and I have sought for in our discipline and correction is not just an outward change in their behavior, while the inside is still suffering and lost, but to go into the deepness of their heart and help draw out what is going on inside. If that is all we sought after then we are raising little Pharisees. Children who look obedient, prim, proper, and can say all the right things, but inside its dirty, a white washed tomb.
Our journey with Adoniah. It's been a roller coaster!! God has brought ALL the growth in her life. He has taken 2 fallen beings, who are striving to be faithful in biblical discipline, consistency, and prayer, but do it so imperfectly, and in his grace he has begun to mold and make Adoniah into the woman he has for her to be.
Since the beginning we have wanted her to understand 1. We in this house will honor God, and honor mommy and daddy whom God put over you. 2. When we do sin there are consequences for it. 3. There is nothing she can ever do that will take mom and dads love away. 4. After the spanking and the tears we always seek restoration of the relationship.
We have seen the fruit in her life without question over the years. And it has been the times when we slack in being consistent, or approach her/ the situation in anger, or we don't want to take the time that is necessary to shepherd her heart that we see a digression in her attitude and behavior. It's hard to be that constant steadiness for them but they need it and they greatly benefit from it. Now with Addy what used to seem like five, six, seven spankings a day now is three or four spankings a week. Thank you Jesus you walk alongside us in all of our parenting!!
I know this was looooong even though I cut out a lot, and tried to shorten it. lol!! If you made it this far, thanks for taking a moment of your time to read through it all. Our gracious Father goes before us and is sovereign over all things (every moment of our parenting)!!
